Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
