you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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