Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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