My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
