somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
