You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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