Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
