You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Michael Bay diarrhea
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
