Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
