dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
