College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
