you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
