It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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