he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
