when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize