I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
