idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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