i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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