Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
