She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize