Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want a musical about memes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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