Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
