You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
