i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a beard to bite.
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