My nipple is on Facebook.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
