Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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