i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize