I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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