Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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