I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
