Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
