I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
