yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
