If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
