I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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