On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
