I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
