yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
