your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
