I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
