His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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