my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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