Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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