My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
