that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
