I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
