How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The adults are the big ones right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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