God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
