I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
