i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's always time for handjobs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
