dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
