I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
