he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
