there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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