Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
