Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
