Well apparently he's into motor boating.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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