I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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