Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
