He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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