Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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