I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
