She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
