I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
