So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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