What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
