my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
