wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
