I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
